Behind Nostalgic places

Searching from one web page over another, relaxing my fingers that seem struggled on what to add, and perhaps alleviating the burst of emotions that has suddenly inspired me to write once again, I suddenly felt anxious. The first and last post of last year : April 2007 and then I whispered to my self, "I got busy, I lost track.."

The 1st quarter of year 2007 was the last few moments before I bid farewell to my hometown. Back then I hated everything. I could hardly be optimistic about the place, some people, and myself. There was never a time I hadn't wished to be different...that I wanted reality to be surreal instead. I was pretending that everything was fine but could never show any intentions of being there and reaching out. I felt my life being kept in a box and sealed away. Grabbing a chance of escapade, I fled and walked away without remorse.

I was so away. I made up my mind not to disclose as much information and if stealth could get even more minimalist than being silent, I was willing to move further. I had kept this idea that when I return, I'd be SOMEBODY, not a NOBODY. I wanted everyone to acknowledge me, believe in me and forget me in one way or another. I wanted to change my name as if something that literal would define me in a new way.. just the way I wanted.

I always criticize online networks for being discriminating and that most people are absurdly pretentious about their status, their success, the number of friends linked to them. I still stand for my opinion on this. Funny thing though, I have decided to gradually search for my friends and significant others who I have to confront to overcome my regret.

I realized that I was isolating myself for a long time and that I fear the embarrassment that shall lurk my soul and diminish my sanity to accept the past and move on. I fear that people would reject me and mock me for events only my youthful memories could remember. I fear losing people time and time again that I felt the need to be alone. Justification was my best friend and hatred grew past my hopes of proving myself. I tried best as I could to live up to it. And yet now, there's just one thing to say....

It's never been easy.

ROAD LESS TRAVELED
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth
Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference
-Robert Frost-

"That has made all the difference....," I keep telling myself until now.